


Everything

by gracefulally



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-08
Updated: 2006-07-08
Packaged: 2017-10-21 05:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracefulally/pseuds/gracefulally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During "Blind Date," Lindsey thinks over a question of morals and makes a choice that could get him killed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything

Slumping down in my comfy chair, I absentmindedly swung the revolving seat behind my desk as I massaged two large fingers into my tensed temple. The tiny office was silent outside of the quiet tick of a clock on the wall. I had been staring at the card on my desk for the better part of twenty minutes as I deliberated the suicidal thoughts I was having which were along the lines of “If he doesn’t kill me they will”. It really was a lose-lose situation on my part.

I arched a single brow in my sudden confusion. What the hell was that thing on the card supposed to be anyway? Some sort of demon bug? Like demon exterminators instead of Ghostbusters?

Shaking my head, I let it drop back to the chair as my hand fell to beat the armrest lightly with a tentative fist. Figuring out what a logo on a business card meant was the least of my worries right now. Having thoughts of betraying the most powerful and feared law firm this side of the hellfire was a pretty serious matter.

_There’s some children arriving. They pose a threat._

The words repeated over and over in my mind. It was like some jacked form of a mantra. When I’d left that room, I had dug up what I could about the job but tread lightly. Initially I hoped that there maybe was a way around this, that there could be a deal reached that didn’t end in death. I just couldn’t believe that Holland had said those words so frankly like it wasn’t a serious crime or clash of moral values.

I damned near rolled my eyes at myself for that one. Moral values? Holland Manners? Who was I trying to kid? Man probably came out of the womb stone cold and ready to step his way to the top. Sometimes it worried me how inherently evil my pseudo-mentor could be. It made me wonder if the man even had a soul anymore and if I was just getting a glimpse of myself twenty or thirty years from now.

Nothing had been accomplished with my other cases today. I couldn’t stop thinking about that blind woman and those kids. The thought of what she could do to them made my skin crawl. I felt like I was covered in the gritty dirt of the act already, before it even happened. I’d worked plenty of sketchy deals before without batting an eye, crossing my t’s and dotting my i’s to get the son-of-a-bitch off on all charges, but this? It absolutely sickened me to the core.

Could I really let Wolfram and Hart slaughter a bunch of defenseless kids just because my paycheck was banking on it?

All I could see in my mind's eye now was Hannah and Caleb, the two little blonde angels of my childhood. How they had been mercilessly ripped from my family before their lives had even started. What it had felt like to stand idly by at an age barely old enough to comprehend their passing. What all I would have risked to save them if given the opportunity.

“Everything,” I suddenly rumbled ominously to the empty room. “You would have put everything on the line for them if you could have and you damn well know it too.”

Talking to yourself now are you, McDonald? Yeah, _that’s_ healthy.

My shaking hurried hands were then slapping things into my briefcase like I was some goddamn chump on his last thread. I grabbed files, business cards, a phone directory, a crucifix, and even a pair of scissors?

I blinked when the shiny blades clinked against the silver chain of the cross on top of all the shit I had just shoved into my briefcase. Had that been a random distracted grab or was I really _that_ paranoid?

I gave a quiet maddened snicker as I slammed the heavy case shut, having taken everything I required if I never came back to Wolfram and Hart after this. After all, why shouldn’t I take a pair of scissors? I would need some sort of weapon until I could get to my apartment and hey, I could always offer to make the Champ a few lop-sided paper snowflakes if he refused to help me, previous death threats over my sarcasm be damned.

This was too much to handle right now. I had to get out of here. I needed to get some air and away from this place to think. The walls suddenly felt decidedly closer and more prison-like than usual. Both were definite indicators that I was currently out of my ever-living mind.

It was stupid to be pondering all of this stuff here in the first place. If a mind-reader were to casually pass by and see my traitorous thoughts, I might as well bend over and kiss my sorry ass goodbye right now. That is, if I even had time to do so before the hammer stuck me down.

Moving a little stiffer than I should have, I made my way quickly out of my office and to the elevator. Once inside, my entire body rose and fell as I let out a heavy breath to calm my nerves. Being uptight and paranoid was just going to get me held up and questioned by Lilah, Lee, or someone else before I was out the door.

I pulled the business card with the funny looking bug on it out of my pocket and glanced at the address once more. If I was going to do this, it had to be now. Otherwise I was just going to end up rationalizing and taking the chicken’s way out.

_You won’t be happy until you find your place in the scheme of things._

The words rang through my head as sunlight warmed my face through the windshield of my old truck when I parked it on the street. I paused to squeeze the rusty frame of the door as I eyed a sign on the building that said ‘Angel Investigations’. Something told me this wasn’t exactly what Holland had in mind.


End file.
